dogs are misunderstood. (fiction)

Hello. My name is gremlin. I am a British bulldog.
I think dogs are misunderstood. The reasons I think this are listed below.
First of all, why do dogs have to sleep in a dog house. It rains a lot and I'm afraid of thunder.
Why cant we sleep inside the house. My owners house is air conditioned and warm.
Second of all, my owner just recently put a welcome mat on the front doorstep.
I decided to be polite and accept his invitation. I was chased out of the house with a broom.
It was probably because I had very muddy feet.
Another puzzling thing that I don't understand is they say dogs are mans best friend.
Well how come they take you to "vets" that stick needles into you?
Fourthly, my owner just recently went to a restaurant and asked for a doggie bag.
Well how come we never get to see those "doggie bags?"
When my owner was cooking, he accidently dropped a steak on the floor.
Well, I decided I would be polite and pick up the steak off the floor.
Again I was chased out of the house with a broom.
Fifthly, I just got a new collar. Well it really itches and I want to take it off.
Lastly, I've always wondered what chocolate tastes like. I'm not allowed to have it.
But my owner makes up for these things by giving me a big, juicy, pork chop
woof! woof!.